Death and Divorce

My Grandfather died Monday night. You can send your condolences if you want but save them. Save them because while he was my grandfather I never knew him, thanks to divorce. I dont have any "moments " to remember because I never met him..ever. Quite frankly, i didnt even know he existed until 1997.

I am the product of a divorced family. My Mom? A product of a divorced family. My Dad? A product of a divorced family. I have no real memories of ever living with my own father,and to be honest I dont even have a "father/son" relationship with my dad. Rarely even talk to him on the phone. I know your sitting there saying "oh thats so sad". Please dont be. I think it helped me to be a better father to my own children and a better husband to my wife. I knew that it sucked to not be around my Dad and I had a great Step-Dad, but I didnt want that for my kids. I always felt abandoned by my father who had gotten remarried and had a couple kids. My Dad was a non-participant in my life. He was military so, as an adult, I understand.... kinda. But like I said before, I didnt want that for my kids.

I have 3 Sons and 1 Daughter and I cannot be in the same room with them and not touch them in some way. (Hand on the shoulder, arm around the neck etc.) The lack of a father figure for me has placed a burning in my heart to let these kids know that their Father Loves them and while we may be angry with each other at times ( the boys are 15, 17, 20) there will be no doubt in their minds that I love them. I do things with them because I want them to have the memories I didnt have of doing things with their Dad.

On a side note: I still dont feel comfortable enough to call my Dad and say Im sorry about his loss. He didnt know that his step-dad wasnt his dad until he was 18... He never knew his Father either.. Do you see the cycle?.. I had to break it